Fortunately For Me…

The last time I put stock in fortune telling was when I was 15 years old and I read my horoscope religiously over a bowl of cornflakes every morning before school. Given the only other thing I took notice of in the paper was the Garfield comic, it’s safe to say that neither I, or the horoscopes, could be taken too seriously.

This fact, combined with my feelings about love (The ‘L’ Word) should give you a clear picture of how my eyes rolled when I was coerced into getting a ‘love fortune’ during my recent Christmas travels. I was skeptical to say the least (about the fortune and my love prospects), but in the spirit of the moment, with my three lovely travelling companions, I paid my ¥100 and fished out a little slip of paper (omikuji) from the timber box.

After a quick view of the fortune and realising I could only read a quarter of it’s content, I handed it over to Ms. French-Fluent-Japanese-Speaker for the translation…

Each omikuji contains five sections, the first being an indicator of whether you have received a bad, average or good fortune. The scale is long and detailed and looks like this. My fortune was an average one (吉), which (for me) seemed like a pretty good start.

The next section is the ‘song’ of your love fortune…which is where things got a little weird. Loosely translated, my ‘song’ was this:

Ice cream is bittersweet and heart break will invite the recollection of heavy love.

The following section goes into greater detail of what the ‘song’ means (really…it seemed so clear to me…?!). This is where my skepticism wavered a little…

Unrequited love is here. No matter how long you wait and how sweet the ice cream (love) tastes at the time, inside a sad cold rain has been crying and made for a bitter heart. Your heart has been crying for a long time.

Hmm. When Ms. French-Fluent-Japanese-Speaker read this, it was like she was reading it straight from my soul. This is exactly how I feel about love and my experience of it to date. But then the fortune felt bad about pointing this out and tried to lift my spirits…

But the day will surely come when your love expectations are met. Don’t close yourself off and stay open and positive about love. The future is positive.

And the fortune didn’t just give me hope…in the next section it also gave me a very specific check list to look out for in my future partner. Apparently this is what awaits me in my perfect guy…

– Mr. Right should be a Sagittarius…if not, a Taurus or Aries will suffice

– Mr. Right should be within three years of my age, older or younger…it doesn’t matter (so I’m free to be a cougar)

– Mr. Right should be blood type B or O, but definitely not A (A guy won’t mind a blood test on a first date, right?!)

– Mr. Right should have been born in either the year of the sheep or pig

– Mr. Right should be the one to choose the first date, but I should avoid someone who talks about marriage too soon (Keen but not clingy, got it)

Mr. Right will not be rich but he will be honest and a good match (Of course Mr. Right will not be rich…that is just my luck)

So ideally, I’m looking for an honest, B or O blood type guy, born between November 23rd and December 20th in 1979 or 1983, who is willing to ask me out on a (modest) date and not be so clingy as to want to wed me straight away. Well, if I’d known it was that easy I would have been onto this years ago.

And just when I was getting my head around all of that, like Jerry Springer, the fortune had some final thoughts for me…

You have a bad memory. Work on improving it.

Fortunately for me, the fortune wasn’t bad enough to tie up and leave behind at the shrine, but my memory is bad enough that I might just forget about it anyway…

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