30 Japanese School Truths

1. It isn’t a school assembly unless at least one student faints.

2. Teachers are also weather forecasters/reporters.

3. Art is an exact science.

4. There’s a meeting to arrange an assembly, to organise a practice, for the rehearsal, before an event.

5. Club activity = cult activity.

6. The tea lady sees and knows all.

7. ‘Interesting student’ is code for ‘weird kid’.

8. Everything is tested. At least twice.

9. Janken (Rock, Paper, Scissors) resolves every conflict.

10. The equipment in the copy room has been there since it’s invention.

11. Nobody enjoys cleaning time.

12. Flu pandemics are feared more than natural disasters.

13. The student who does kendo, smells worst in summer.

14. The more introverted the teacher, the more exuberant the drunk.

15. The pool is used for swimming one month of the year. The rest of the time it’s a pond for an algae growing science experiment.

16. Teachers always look busy, but rarely are busy.

17. Caffeine consumption directly correlates to levels of genkiness.

18. The label maker is the most utilised piece of technology in the teachers’ room (see Truth No.16).

19. A missing red pen is cause for widespread panic.

20. Whoever has the stickers, has the power.

21. It doesn’t matter if the answer is right or wrong, as long as it’s the same as everyone else’s.

22. All the weird kids are in the table tennis club.

23. A student isn’t ill unless they have a fever. A teacher is never ill, unless they are an ALT.

24. The teachers’ room resembles an FBI archive vault.

25. Every classroom has a thermometer, world map, dying plant and roll of toilet paper.

26. Everybody wants the principal’s job. Nobody wants the vice principal’s job.

27. What happens at enkai, stays at enkai. Anything else is fair game.

28. Mystery meat is a school lunch staple.

29. Let troublesome students sleep.

30. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

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3 thoughts on “30 Japanese School Truths

  1. Why did they never have janken when I was a kid? It would have made life so much easier…

    I think you could basically do away with the UN Security Council and replace it with an annual janken contest (a bit like the one AKB48 had, only with more resting on the result).

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